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A Bedtime Routine Gone Wrong (and How I Fixed It)

As a parent, establishing a wholesome bedtime routine for my children has always been a top priority. A peaceful evening not only helps them unwind after a frantic day but also assures me that they’ll drift smoothly into slumber. Yet, as I soon discovered, even the most carefully crafted routines can go awry. What was meant to be a tranquil nightly ritual spiralled into chaos, leading me to rethink and ultimately reformulate our entire approach to bedtime.

It all began innocuously enough. I had a vision: a serene, soothing environment, complete with calming stories, soft music, and warm baths. For weeks, I adhered to this plan, hoping to foster a sense of security and relaxation for my two young children, Oliver and Lily. But as the nights wore on, things began to unravel.

At first, I noticed Oliver becoming increasingly restless. What was once an eager participant in our bedtime stories turned into a reluctant attendee, often interrupting with questions, demands for "one more story", or simply bouncing on his bed like a spring toy. Lily, on the other hand, who had historically been the calm one, began to mirror her brother’s behaviour. This was not the tranquil scene I had envisaged.

My once soothing environment began to feel like a pressure cooker. Tensions rose, my patience waned, and I found myself raising my voice more often than I’d like to admit. As I witnessed their growing anxiety, I started to wonder: was I inadvertently creating a bedtime battle rather than a comforting retreat into sleep?

Realising that my approach wasn’t yielding the desired results, I decided to take a step back and reassess. I sought advice from other parents, read articles, and even consulted books on child psychology. The insight I gathered pointed towards a surprisingly simple flaw in my routine: I was placing too much emphasis on structure and not enough on flexibility.

I set about revamping our bedtime routine with this in mind. The first—and perhaps most radical—change I made was to involve the children in the process. I asked Oliver and Lily how they felt about our current routine and what made them feel relaxed before bed. Their feedback was enlightening. It turned out that certain aspects, like the recommended “calming bath”, felt more like a chore than a pleasure.

Together, we crafted a new ritual. Instead of simply reading to them, I encouraged them to pick their own stories. I found that letting them choose meant they were far more engaged and, consequently, far less likely to attempt to negotiate an unnecessary encore. We even introduced a family game, a gentle quiz night where we answered questions about the day—this kept their minds engaged and their spirits high without spiralling into hyperactivity.

I also adjusted our lighting. I swapped the bright overhead lights for softer lamps and fairy lights, creating a cosy atmosphere. The gentle ambience helped signal that it was time to wind down, and it made a significant difference in their mood.

Moreover, I implemented a “cool down” period before we officially started our routine. Prior to our new wind-down time, we would spend a few minutes in quiet activities—sometimes sketching or listening to calming music. This allowed Oliver and Lily to transition from the day’s excitement into a more tranquil state without a sudden jolt into bedtime.

After a couple of weeks of these adjustments, the change was apparent. The chaotic energy at bedtime diminished, replaced with laughter and cuddles. The children’s willingness to embrace our evening routine returned, and I found joy in the small moments we shared together reading and chatting about our day. It felt less like a task and more like a cherished ritual.

In retrospect, my experience of a bedtime routine gone wrong taught me an invaluable lesson: flexibility can be a parent’s best ally. Children thrive on change and spontaneity as much as they do on structure. By including them in the conversation and adapting to their preferences, I was able to restore harmony to our evenings. Building a bedtime routine shouldn’t feel like a battleground, but rather a nurturing sanctuary, and I’m proud to say we’ve found our way back to that space.

If you find yourself struggling with your children’s bedtime routine, I encourage you to pause, reflect, and adjust. Sometimes, the simplest changes can lead to the most blissful results.

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