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10 Strategies to Teach Your Child Delayed Gratification

By David Bredehoft | Raising Likeable, Responsible, Respectful

Delayed gratification is a vital skill that fosters patience and self-control in our children. In an age of instant access and quick rewards, nurturing the ability to wait for larger, more meaningful rewards is more crucial than ever. David Bredehoft, an expert in child development, shares ten strategies to help parents instil the art of delayed gratification in their children.

1. Lead by Example

Children learn by observing their parents. Demonstrating your own ability to delay gratification—whether it’s saving for a vacation instead of spending impulsively—sets a powerful example. Explain your choices to your child, discussing why waiting for a bigger reward is beneficial.

2. Set Up Small Delays

Start with manageable situations that require your child to wait. This could be as simple as asking them to wait ten minutes before having a snack or finishing a game before moving on to the next activity. Gradually increase the waiting period as they become more accustomed to the idea.

3. Use Reward Systems

Implement a reward chart that encourages delayed gratification. For instance, if your child saves points for completing chores, they can redeem them for a larger toy or outing rather than smaller, immediate rewards. This visual system reinforces the concept of waiting for a bigger payoff.

4. Teach Goal Setting

Encourage your child to set personal goals, be it saving for a desired toy or planning a special outing. Help them map out the steps needed to reach their goal, teaching them that patience is an integral part of achieving anything worthwhile.

5. Incorporate Games and Activities

Introduce games that require waiting and strategy, such as board games or even simple card games. These activities naturally promote the idea of delayed gratification, as players often need to wait their turn and make strategic decisions.

6. Create a ‘Wait’ Jar

Introduce the concept of a ‘Wait’ jar filled with promises of treats or activities that require waiting. When your child feels the impulse for an instant reward, they can "deposit" their wish in the jar. After a predetermined time, they can revisit the jar and see if they still want the reward. This teaches them to reflect on their desires over time.

7. Discuss the Science

As children grow older, they can handle more complex concepts. Use age-appropriate explanations about how the brain works in relation to impulse control. Share research about the benefits of delayed gratification, such as improved success in various life domains, including academic achievement and overall well-being.

8. Create Delayed Reward Scenarios

Plan family activities where everyone anticipates a delayed reward. For example, save a special outing or treat for the end of the week or month. Involve your child in counting down to the event, celebrating the anticipation together and reinforcing the idea that good things come to those who wait.

9. Praise Efforts, Not Just Outcomes

When your child successfully practices delayed gratification, offer sincere praise for their patience and self-control, rather than just the result. Recognising their effort reinforces the behaviour, helping them understand that waiting is a valuable skill, not just a means to an end.

10. Cultivate Mindfulness

Teach your child mindfulness techniques that encourage them to focus on the present moment. Activities such as deep breathing exercises or mindful meditation can help reduce the impulse for instant gratification, allowing them to reflect on their desires and make conscious choices about waiting.

Conclusion

Teaching delayed gratification is a crucial part of helping children grow into responsible, respectful individuals. By implementing these strategies, parents can weave the lessons of patience and self-control into everyday life. As children learn to anticipate and appreciate rewards, they cultivate resilience and a sense of accomplishment that will serve them well throughout their lives. Through consistent guidance and practice, you can equip your child with the skills they need to thrive in an increasingly fast-paced world.

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