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Why I Don’t Make My Kids Share

In a world where the innate desire for cooperation and community is often celebrated, the topic of sharing can evoke a range of emotions and responses, especially among parents. The notion that children should share their toys and belongings has been ingrained in us from an early age. However, as a parent, I’ve dawdled long and hard over this fundamental concept and concluded that I don’t impose sharing as a strict rule for my children. Here’s why.

Understanding Ownership and Autonomy

First and foremost, I believe in the importance of teaching my children about ownership. When they possess a toy or a book they adore, it belongs to them, and they should feel empowered to make choices about it. By demanding sharing, we can inadvertently strip away their sense of autonomy and ownership, which is crucial for their development. Allowing them to decide when and with whom they wish to share fosters a sense of control, and teaches them about personal boundaries – a lesson that is invaluable as they grow older.

Fostering Genuine Generosity

By removing the pressure to share, I encourage my children to develop a sense of generosity that comes from within rather than being coerced. When they choose to share freely, it becomes an act of kindness rather than an obligation. In many instances, I’ve observed that children are more inclined to share with friends or siblings when they are not compelled to do so. They become more thoughtful about their interactions and develop empathy as they consider how their choices affect others.

Encouraging Conflict Resolution Skills

Another reason I refrain from insisting on sharing is the opportunity it provides for conflict resolution. Disagreements over toys can lead to conflict, and managing these situations allows children to learn essential social skills. Rather than stepping in immediately to enforce sharing, I encourage my children to communicate. They learn to articulate their feelings, negotiate, and find a resolution that works for everyone involved. These skills will serve them well in their future relationships and interactions, equipping them with the tools needed to navigate complex social dynamics.

Recognising Individual Differences

Every child is different, with unique personalities and comfort levels. Some may be naturally generous, while others may be more protective of their possessions. By not imposing sharing, I allow my children to be individuals. This celebrates their unique traits and teaches them to respect the differences in others as well. It’s vital to create an environment that acknowledges and appreciates these differences rather than one that strives for conformity.

Promoting Emotional Intelligence

Learning to navigate feelings around sharing, ownership, and boundaries helps build emotional intelligence. Children need the space to feel possessive, and it’s okay for them to express feelings of jealousy or frustration. These emotions are part of growing up and should be acknowledged rather than suppressed. I want my children to understand their feelings and learn how to manage them effectively. By allowing them to experience both sides of sharing, they will eventually develop empathy for others, understand the value of community, and appreciate the joy that comes from sharing willingly.

Setting the Stage for Future Relationships

Finally, I’ve come to realise that my refusal to enforce sharing sets the stage for how my children will navigate their relationships in the future. In adult life, sharing is often voluntary and context-dependent. By fostering an atmosphere where sharing occurs naturally rather than under duress, I hope to prepare my children to engage in mutually beneficial relationships built on respect and mutual consent.

In conclusion, while sharing is certainly a valuable lesson for children to learn, I firmly believe it should not be forced. Instead, by creating an environment that promotes autonomy, encourages genuine generosity, and supports the development of essential social and emotional skills, I hope to raise empathetic, considerate individuals who understand the true essence of sharing when they are ready and willing. After all, the goal is not just to share toys but to cultivate compassionate human beings who value and respect both themselves and others.

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